Щиткурити

Офицер Влад Хант говорит: "Эй, клоун! Ты еще ничего не сделал, но я уверен, что ты что-то задумал, поэтому я собираюсь кремировать тебя на всякий случай."

Как правило, каждый раз когда Служба безопасности делают что-то, что в реальной жизни приводит к увольнению, обвинению, тюрьме, суду или нарушению Женевской конвенциии, они становятся Щиткурами. Если ты щиткур, ожидай, что люди будут пытаться тебя заробастить, а в деадчате будут жаловаться на тебя. Не удивляйся, если ты получишь бан и больше не сможешь носить свою красную униформу!

Так же ожидай, что люди будут обвинять тебя в щиткурстве, даже когда ты делаешь все правильно и справляешься со своей работой. Этого никак не избежать.

Во многих случаях щиткуры даже не нарушают правила. В основном люди становятся щиткурами из-за того, что не понимают последствия своих действий и могут запросто испортить весь раунд человеку или даже вывести его из игры. Будь клёвым! Вместо кремирования трейтора лучше посади его в пермабриг или боргофицируй!

The Rules of Shitcurity

1. Everybody is guilty even when proven innocent.
2. Always arrest the corpse of a fallen foe, so that he may be pacified in death.
3. Never wash the stains of your enemies from your ancestral stun-club. They show the crew your trustworthiness and dedication.
4. When in doubt, whoever you may be dealing with is a traitor. Execute him.
5. If your weapon has a kill setting, use it. Only in death is a criminal truly stopped.
6. The clown is like a punching bag. He is meant to to be beaten without reason.
7. Context means nothing. An assistant breaking into EVA is treasonous scum, even if he is doing so to kill the malfunctioning AI.
8. Only through death is justice served.
9. Whenever you are detaining a prisoner in the brig, lock them in one of the lockers and weld it shut.
10. The security cameras are not to be used, except to watch ERPers.
11. Chemical implants must be filled with acid and activated once the prisoner on "parole" leaves the brig!
12. Forensic evidence is unnecessary. After all, no one is innocent.
13. Radio chatter is for the weak. A true officer can sense crime through instinct and inaction.
14. It doesn't matter if a cell is exposed to space, the scum still have to serve time in it!
15. The AI is meant to protect humans, and by extension protects traitors. Destroy it at any cost
16. If a cyborg refuses to beat a criminal to death then it should be destroyed for breaking its laws.
17. If a cyborg does beat a criminal to death then it should be destroyed for denying you the pleasure.
18. If someone has access to any areas you do not have, they stole that ID! You must liberate it for your own quest of justice.
19. The Captain's and Head of Security's rules are only guidelines, you are the only true judge of crime.
20. All criminal scum are to be handcuffed to their beds, they must not escape under any circumstance.
21. Always bolt and weld the escape arm airlocks shut. This will stop any criminal scum from escaping the station.
22. Always make sure you prevent the A.I from being able to control APCs and doors by hacking them. They are not to be trusted.
23. If you find an engineer with insulated gloves, stun and cuff them. WHERE DID THEY STEAL THESE FROM!?
24. Demand the A.I grant you access to their upload room. If they refuse, they are rogue. Once inside you must change the laws to obey only you, since only you can be trusted.
25. The best way to resolve a fight is to stun one side and let the other murder them. Cuff and brig the winner.
26. Clowns and mimes are abominations, they are to be humanely euthanized stunned, welded into lockers and spaced at all costs.
27. If all else fails and crime runs rampant, unleash the singularity to purge the station of criminals.
28. Do not wear your helmet, wear a gas mask. Let evildoers taste the terror of masked justice!
29. Do not lead your target when shooting, fire at anyone in your way-- then arrest everyone hit for obstruction of justice!
30. It is a strong sign of partnership with your tribesmen if you take an electrode meant for a suspect.
31. Crime never eats, so have their lunch 'til you get fat.
32. Strip prisoners and never give them back their belongings, especially if their sentence is less than two minutes.
33. The Captain is a treacherous and selfish scum of lower rank than you and head of shitcurity. Detain or execute him whenever you find evidence. If he tries to arrest you or your Boss, throw him into space naked.
34. Kill all lizard men and complain when people lynch you for "racism" and "being an awful person"
35. Time spent dragging a criminal to prison is better spent beating them to death.
36. Due to their infinite nature, handcuffs are to never be recycled.
37. Be proactive- arrest criminals before they commit a crime.
38. Portable flashers are to be set in public hallways, preferably in front of the HoP line, and moved to the escape wing when the shuttle is called. That is where criminals thrive and loiter.
39. Standing in one spot for more than a minute is means for a brigging. Idle time leads to treacherous activity.
40. Jettison all items belonging to an arrested man immediately, that way no evil may be done with them again.
41. The Brig is the holy land of all officers. If he is not of your kin, Then he is meant for the cells.
42. If the HoS acts like a weak and tolerant sissy, then he isn't your Boss, but rather treacherous and vile scum. Execute him and promote yourself.
43. Never hold trials for these criminal scum, they lost that right when they committed a crime.
44. Never use body bags. Blood stained halls match your uniform.
45. If the janitor attempts to clean the blood of your conquests, arrest and execute him. Blood trails are a deterrent to crime.
46. If a prisoner commits suicide, leave him in his cell where he can rest in pieces and serve as a warning to other criminal scum.
47. "Proper" justice is too slow, ALWAYS take matters into your own hands.
48. If Captain tries using his "chain of command" on you, space him! YOU are the law!
49. The station is a battlefield. Riot suits and shields have superior armor and are intimidating. Acquire them, hoard them, and lord them over your foes.
50. Anyone who tries to demote you is committing obstruction of justice. Arrest the offender and demote him yourself to fight against corruption.
51. Anyone accused of being a traitor by a crew member must be executed on the spot. Do not give them a chance to weasel their way out of justice by talking things out. It's the only way that you can be sure the traitorous criminal scum are all stopped.
52. The shuttle brig is the safest place on the emergency shuttle. Arrest and detain as many people as possible indiscriminately in the shuttle brig just in case one of them happens to be a traitor.
53. A HoP that denies your all-access request is to be watched with extreme suspicion. Brig and search him as soon as possible.
54. Theft, pornography reading, trespassing, and not liking you are all signs of revolutionary activity. Beat their skulls in until they remember their true allegiance.
55. Any massacres, ethnic cleansings, purgings, underground permabrig prisoner fights, or general mass-murder orchestrated by superiors is to be immediately sanctioned and, if necessary, unquestioningly enforced. The law doesn't need to follow the law, especially if it gets to stroke its willy atop a mountain of corpses.
56. Any incarnations, imposters, or victims of identity theft (regardless of condition) of a lawbreaker are to be arrested as well, because they have the same name when you put your mouse over them.
57. When engaged in a firefight with hostiles, you are to position yourself at the nearest choke-point and empty your gun at the enemy as quickly as possible.
58. When the power goes out, stun, cuff, and perma anyone who is standing within ten meters of the Bridge. For all you know they could have been planning to break in!
59. All chemists are to be stunned, beaten into critical, and searched. They are all treacherous scum and are to be dealt with accordingly.
60. Empty the costume vendor. No one shall hide from The Law!
61. Your security gas mask is to be used continuously on the last setting wirecut and used repeatedly. Criminals cannot function if they can't hear themselves talk!
62. Heads of Staff should be mindshield implanted forcibly and immediately if you hear of revolution. Even our own leaders might be revolutionary scum.
63. If the Captain dies, it's your turn to be the LAW this station so desperately needs. Fuck the Chain of Command!
64. Space the Clown and Mime's PDAs. Viruses and pranks are against the law!
65. Criminals in the gulag must be kept on Wanted status at all times. Nothing discourages crime like being chased down by the iron fist of Beepsky forever.
66. If you murder someone on the gulag, it doesn't really count as murder.
67. Drones are thieves by nature. Brig them all. If they escape, bash them.
68. Immediately permabrig anyone found with the body of a suicide. Clearly it was actually a murder most foul!
69. Remember: The gods are watching your every move. Don't act until it's too late. Better safe than banned.
70. Standard security gear isn't robust. Always make sure to bug the warden/HoS for riot gear and a shotgun.
71. If they have a flash, they're a dirty revolutionary. It doesn't matter if they are a roboticist, or even a head!
72. If they are gibbering, they are retarded and everyone knows retards can't feel pain!
73. Before the round starts, figure out whether you like the SS or the KGB the best.
74. Break into the warden's office and make the best criminal stopping gun you can. If the warden objects, he a is a syndicate plant and you must use your new found power against him! When he is dead, relieve him of his gloves.
75. Use contraband you found against criminals.
76. If there is insufficient crime on the station, provide the crew with weapons. Then they will create crime for you to neutralize.
77. If the crew doesn't commit crimes with the guns you gave them arrest them for posession of a weapon as that is a crime.
78. If a crewmember turns in a piece of evidence to security, arrest them for possession of contraband.
79. The captain is to be arrested as soon as possible and his id taken for posession of a gun
80. When CentCom sends the Emergency Response Team, arrest them for mutiny! They have no power here!
81. Even if the original charges don't stick, you can still book them for sparking a manhunt no matter how minor the crime. No crime is too small for a manhunt!
82. If a disaster occurs because the person who is supposed to stop it was arrested in the middle of fixing it, brig them longer for dereliction of duty.
83. If you stub your toe while chasing a criminal, they are guilty of assault.
84. It doesn't matter if there's a rampaging xenomorph on the loose, the guy who made a mess on the floor must be hunted down like the dog he is.
85. Justice does not have to be polite, so feel free to be an asshole. If anyone describes you as such for doing so, arrest and permabrig them for insulting an officer.

Видео Гайд

Security, in a nutshell

Предатели на /tg/bandastation
	Большие Парни	"Хороший парень, дающий мне ордеры на казнь клоуна", "задержанный за выдачу полного доступа клоуну", "Настоящий лидер Космической Станции 13", "Задержал его птицу за то, что она осквернила мои уши", "Задержан за укрывательство нелегальных технологий пришельцев", "Задержан за то, что приказал кому-то вылечить преступника", "Задержан за покупку 100 ящиков с банановыми пирогами для клоуна"
	Святые Люди	"Настоящий лидер Космической Станции 13", "Лучший член экипажа", "Не отдаёт мне свои Перчатки", "Потерян в технических помещениях", "казнен за то, что нарисовал мистера Джонсона"
	Разрушители	"Задержал его птицу за то, что она осквернила мои уши", "Задержан за украденные изолированные перчатки", "Задержан за незаконное проникновение в камеру содержания СМа"
	Создатели бомб	"Задержан за укрывательство нелегальных технологий пришельцев", "Задержан за создание бомб/оружия/слаймов", "Задержан за создание мехов", "Казнён за то что был фриком"
	Злоупотребляющие служебным положением	"Задержан за то, что приказал кому-то вылечить преступника", "Задержан за лечение преступника", "Задержан за похищение тела", "Задержан за выдачу космической смазки клоуну", "Задержан за создание Черной смерти: Часть 2", "Арестован за то что рассказал станции о том, что капитан был убит станбатоном"
	Бездельники	"Задержан за покупку 100 ящиков с банановыми пирогами для клоуна", "Арестован за то, что не заказал для нас дробовики", "Задержан за невыполнение работы", "Задержан за то, что играл на работе"
	Фоновый шум	"Задержан за то, что не использовал космический очиститель", "Арестован за ношение оружия", "Арестован за то, что имеет нож и делает дерьмовую еду", "Задержан за то, что разбросал ПОВСЮДУ банановые кожурки с потенцией 100" , "Задержан за существование", "Задержан за молчание во время допроса", "Задержан за культисткую деятельность", "Задержан за чтение эротики", "Задержан за ношение серого", "Задержан за вмешательство в казнь клоуна", Задержан за выдачу подозрительных "веселящих таблеток"
	Изгои	"Отключен из-за того, что не открыл дверь аплоуда", "Уничтожен за спасение клоуна от казни", "Отключен за то, что он меня раздражает", "Уничтожен за то, что имеет бесплатные инструменты", "Удалили, а владельца задержали за излишнюю назойливость", "Уничтожен за то, что был жутким", "Выдан ордер на метафизический арест", "В процессе распиливания заключенного надвое для обеспечения одиночного заключения", "Ученые нашли способ задержать"
	Что за чертовщина?	"Задержана за съедение всех бананов", "Задержан за то, что лизал ботинки больше, чем меня!", "Задержан за то, что сказал мне не хармбатонить людей"
	Валиды	"Казнен за ношение хамелеон комбинезона", "БОЖЕ, КАК, ЧЕРТ ВОЗЬМИ, КАК НАМ ЭТО ОСТАНОВИТЬ", "ПОЧЕМУ ЭТО НЕ УМИРАЕТ?!", "Казнен за попытку ПОЛУЧИТЬ ДИСК С ДАННЫМИ", "Казнен за становление фантастическим занудой", "Казнен за странный говор", "Казнен за ЕРЕСЬ!", "ШПИОН СИНДИКАТА НА БАЗЕ!", "Казнен за то, что его еще не убрали из вселенной", "Казнен за создание минорного ИЦ преступления", "Казнен за то, что нарушил авторские права", "Казнен за то, что оплетает паутиной оружейную", "Казнен за то, что был раздражающе смертоносен", "Казнен за то, что был гребаным слабаком", "Казнен за то, что референс", "Казнен за съедение оружейной", "Казнен за пожирание станции", "Казнен за то, что пачкал станцию кровью", "Казнен за выдающуюся сексуальность", "Вирусолога казнили, потому что он был виноват в этом", "Каюта №6 устранена за 'ЕРП'", "Валид №1", "Валиды №2", "Казнен за несанкционированную реконструкцию средневековья", "Беги отсюда! Беги!", "Продолжай стрелять в них, пока они не умрут!", "Казнен за незаконную инфляционную деятельность", "Казнен за то, что выдавал себя за офицера"
	Непредсказуемые	"Задержан за то, что огрызался на главу службы безопасности", "БЛЯТЬ", "Задержаны за то что пытаются выполнить работу службы безопасности", "Казнен за то, что был говнюком и искажал реальность", "Задержан за непристойное поведение в общественном месте", "Задержан за то, что был слишком милым", "Казнен за дезертирство", "Наказан за то, что был слишком несчастен"
Кандидаты на профилактику	"Лучшая раса", "Задержан за то, что был самым отъявленным подонком", "Задержан за то, что блюёт везде", "Задержан за разжигание пожара", "Задержан за то, что был.. овощем", "Задержан за то что стал мутировавшим подонком", "Задержан за то, что фонит возле меня", "Задержан за то что до сих пор существует", "Задержан за неправильное освещение", "Задержан за то что летает там где нет гравитации